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Friday, May 6, 2005

Starting Over



An old friend of mine lost her Mom yesterday. It's a hard thing to go through, especially if you have had to watch them suffer and you could do nothing but watch and stay by their side.
I know what it is like. We lost my Dad over ten years ago to cancer. He suffered for years as he tried his best to fight it and win. He had asked the Cancer Clinic if their was a support group he could join for his type of cancer. I remember him telling me that the Doctor told him there wasn't one, as nobody had survived his type before. What a blow that was. It started in his foot as skin cancer, he had them take most of his foot. Then it kept spreading and ended up in his head. They made this clear plastic mold of his head that they could put on him & then attach him to the table so that he would not move while they radiated him. We had to keep it for a while after in case they needed to do it again. That way they could see exactly where they had treated him. He kept it on the shelf in his work/tool room. I don't know why he kept it in a place that he would see it every day. Maybe it helped him keep up the fight.
He later told my Mom that he had wished he told them to just take all of his leg and then maybe he would have won the battle.
I remember him being so sick and I tried to get him to make me some more canvases. I was desperate to have him make more things for me that I would be able to keep around and say that he made them for me. I was almost blinded by that desperation of needing a piece of him that would be left specifically for me.
He was too sick to make any.
In the end, just before he was no longer able to respond to us, he would tell us of the angel at the end of his bed, or of the spirits that were around the room watching all of us. He would only tell us when we asked, as he didn't want to seem like he had gone off the deep end mentally. Those spirits sometimes infuriated him, as they examined everything. He said that once there was one examining what was left of his foot, and just wouldn't leave it alone.
After watching my Dad fight & suffer for years (as well as me being a Gemini), I will always feel deeply for others that are going though emotional times. However, I cannot let myself get overwhelmed by it, as it would be hard to pull myself back up again.

Lisa, I dedicate my most recent painting (seen above) to you and your Mom. It is called "Amazing Grace".

Keep smiling,
Nicci

Posted by nicci at 5/06/2005 12:38:00 PM